Who Stole My Stethoscope?

Frustrated-nurse

8:34 A.M.

Hey there. Sorry to interrupt your bedbath … but have you seen my stethoscope? It’s the one with the brass-colored bell and the — no? Okay. Just keep an eye out for it. Thanks.

8:50 A.M.

Yeah, I had it for my morning assessments. It’s a light shade of blue, with a brass-colored bell, like I said. Whatever. I’m sure it’ll turn up. Continue reading “Who Stole My Stethoscope?”

13 Gross Sounding Medical Terms

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The human body is super disgusting, so it’s only natural that the words we use to describe it would make you want to throw up in your mouth.

Here’s a list of emesis-inducing medical terms you are likely to hear, several times a day, on any hospital unit on the planet. Continue reading “13 Gross Sounding Medical Terms”

The 10 Types of Male Nurse

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10. THE SCAM ARTIST

“You need anything? Help with a turn? A sheet change?”

Actually, yes, your patient is soiled in C. diff diarrhea, down to his knees.

“Cool, cool,” says The Scam Artist, walking briskly past your room, “let me just refill this pitcher, and I’ll be RIGHT IN.” Continue reading “The 10 Types of Male Nurse”

99 Essential Nursing Truths (Part 2)

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49. There are very few legitimate contraindications to getting a patient OOB.

48. Physical therapists: What do they do, exactly?

47. You will know C. diff when you smell it. No need to wait for those lab results.

46. No matter how busy or tired you are, never let your patient sit in shit. Don’t be “that nurse.” Continue reading “99 Essential Nursing Truths (Part 2)”

99 Essential Nursing Truths (Part 1)


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99. Never walk onto a peaceful, well-functioning unit and say: “Quiet night.”

98. The most hellish patient assignments are strictly reserved for when you show up to work hungover.

97. When you need a hemostat, you will only have a pair of scissors. When you need a pair of scissors, you will only have a hemostat. Continue reading “99 Essential Nursing Truths (Part 1)”

The 12 Types of ICU Visitors

Episode 3: Super Greens Pictured: Jackie Peyton (Edie Falco)

You know the drill.

You spent the last two hours bargaining with a resident for a one-time dose of Ativan, you finally got your detoxing patient comfortable in bed … and here comes a conga line of family and friends, entering the unit with all the quiet grace of a high school marching band. Continue reading “The 12 Types of ICU Visitors”

The 6 Types of ICU Nurse

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THE WAR HORSE

You went to nursing school at a time when nurses still wore those funny, starchy white hats, back when sexual harassment and even physical abuse were expected hazards of the profession. Continue reading “The 6 Types of ICU Nurse”